reserpentance | Open Post

Open Post

"I need you to understand," says Pit Viper. She undocks the laptop screen from its keyboard and passes it over.

"I need just one other human being to understand that I am on my best fucking behavior right now."

On the screen is a cartoon drawing of a squirrel. The squirrel is smoking a blunt. It's wearing rainbow shutter shades. On its head is a hat referencing a meme that is, bare minimum, four years old. The whole thing is honestly hideous.

"This fucker," says Pit, stabbing a finger onto the touch screen with such emphasis it scrolls a bit, "is worth three hundred thousand dollars and I did not stutter."

She looks her audience in the eyes, her intensity of feeling about this somehow overcoming that her eyes are so goddamn weird these days.

"I could take this thing in about five minutes. Four if I go for the speedrun. And that I am not doing that right now is some fucking saintly behavior on my part and somebody has got to appreciate it."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Good for you, pal." Jake hints a smile but his tone is completely deadpan "Mind if I steal it, then?"

She rolls her eyes.

"Kind of the point of my good behavior is that I prrrrobably can't just enable somebody else," she says.

"Unsportsmanlike or some shit."

"Aight." Jake raises an eyebrow "You gonna corrupt the file so that they can't sell it or are you the type of goody two shoes that doesn't actually do shit?"

"Look, somebody got through to me about how every time you move one of these around it piles on a fuckton of electricity usage and it's suuuuper unsustainable."

She rolls her eyes and her shoulders slump with irritation.

"But if it was just down to me and whether I care about this dude and his shitty squirrel? I'd have flipped this fucker by now and not said a word."