Pit Viper (Amber Norman) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
reserpentance) wrote2022-03-23 09:32 am
reserpentance) wrote2022-03-23 09:32 am
Open Post
"I need you to understand," says Pit Viper. She undocks the laptop screen from its keyboard and passes it over.
"I need just one other human being to understand that I am on my best fucking behavior right now."
On the screen is a cartoon drawing of a squirrel. The squirrel is smoking a blunt. It's wearing rainbow shutter shades. On its head is a hat referencing a meme that is, bare minimum, four years old. The whole thing is honestly hideous.
"This fucker," says Pit, stabbing a finger onto the touch screen with such emphasis it scrolls a bit, "is worth three hundred thousand dollars and I did not stutter."
She looks her audience in the eyes, her intensity of feeling about this somehow overcoming that her eyes are so goddamn weird these days.
"I could take this thing in about five minutes. Four if I go for the speedrun. And that I am not doing that right now is some fucking saintly behavior on my part and somebody has got to appreciate it."
"I need just one other human being to understand that I am on my best fucking behavior right now."
On the screen is a cartoon drawing of a squirrel. The squirrel is smoking a blunt. It's wearing rainbow shutter shades. On its head is a hat referencing a meme that is, bare minimum, four years old. The whole thing is honestly hideous.
"This fucker," says Pit, stabbing a finger onto the touch screen with such emphasis it scrolls a bit, "is worth three hundred thousand dollars and I did not stutter."
She looks her audience in the eyes, her intensity of feeling about this somehow overcoming that her eyes are so goddamn weird these days.
"I could take this thing in about five minutes. Four if I go for the speedrun. And that I am not doing that right now is some fucking saintly behavior on my part and somebody has got to appreciate it."
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She looks wistful.
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"Oh, I do. Trust me. But sometimes part of loving you is trying to be like, I don't know, better...?"
She sighs.
"It's like eating vegetables but for the kind of person you're trying to be, I guess."
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She's not completely sure where she is going with this comparison, but she means it.
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"Okay so like, in theory what would that be in terms of being good instead of super evil?"
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She files her nails with a half resourceful, half unimpressed expression her face.